my room

my tears fell to the light beige rug
heavy like a stone
i screamed so loud, so hard, so sharp
no one heard, i was alone

twas this place i got word of death
the awful news was told
then piercing hard ran through my bones
hate for an act so cold

it was here i mourned the loss of three
the taking of my peers
for a second and at that moment
my eyes filled up with tears

my long and rushing river of sorrow
began in this very spot
and as my heart was torn once more
my hands grew very hot

the pillow that was on the bed
of this small and lonely place
became a soul for me to clench
and bury my tear-stained face

in the corner on a shelf
a small brown ragedy bear sits
she has seen all my tears
she has taken many hits

one day she asked me
if i was fine
halfheartedly i replied
"my wounds will heal with time"

on the wall near the window there's a picture
of a frightened, scared little girl
her eyes so blue and face so pale
my fist begins to curl

it's easy to see the pain in her eyes
but it's so hard to know how
life has treated her so badly
and life is treating her now

a round mirror hangs
near the picture that i see
as i gaze into that mirror
i realize that the little girl is me

for the walls in which surround me
bearing and standing tall
have seen every tear, every smile
and the blackness of it all

every heartache that i've had
every pang that i've felt
has made me weaker, so much weaker
so on the floor i knelt

i hope my conscience has been cleared
and my final thoughts be heard
one single tear fell to the rug
as i mumbled these last few words:

"my heart i give to him
my soul, he can have that too
remember me, remember me
i lived my life for you"

i kissed the picture of him that i held
and knew that it was time
i looked around the room once more
and made a memory that was mine

i shut the door for the final time
and stepped into the hall
"i hope they will remember me
the good, the bad and all"

as my halo glistened
in the sun of the early morn
i thought about how bad it got
and the pain of my heart being torn

but the good outweighs the bad
when all is said and done
how glad i am that i not lived
instead they saved my son

i passed in giving birth to him
he was coming much too soon
so a life was given and one was taken
as so decided the moon

i was only seventeen
and so i was unwed
just why did i have to die
in that lonely hospital bed